“We’re Building Resumes Instead of Resilience” – Shifting the Focus to Student Wellness

Between looming deadlines, uncertain futures, and pressure to achieve, today’s students are facing more stress than ever before. As a high school counselor, you’re uniquely positioned to help students navigate this challenging terrain. But supporting students through the ups and downs of postsecondary planning isn't just about logistics—it’s also about helping them build the emotional tools to bounce back from setbacks and manage stress in a healthy way. 

We spoke with two experienced professionals—Dr. Mary Jordan, a school counselor and department chair at Weddington High School, and Dr. Susan Hughes May, a clinical family psychologist with over 30 years in private practice—who offered insight into how counselors can help students develop resiliency and effective coping strategies. Below are seven of their most practical takeaways. 

Understand the Real Sources of Student Stress 

While it’s easy to focus on external pressures such as college essays and SAT scores, Dr. May emphasizes the importance of recognizing what’s happening under the surface. Many students, especially post-pandemic, are carrying a heavy emotional load.  

“What I’m seeing increasingly is a pervasive uncertainty,” said Dr. May. “Students are wondering if their efforts will even matter and whether the world they’re preparing for is stable enough to receive them.” 

For some, the stress stems from intense competition and a fear of not measuring up to peers or older siblings. Others may struggle with self-doubt or lack the support systems they need to begin the process at all. Counselors can help by validating these concerns and gently guiding students through them. 

Build Resilience Early and Often 

Resilience isn’t something that can be “added on” during senior year, Dr. May cautions. It’s a mindset that must be nurtured throughout a student’s educational journey. 

“We tend to define resilience for students rather than develop it in them,” she said. “We need to embed it into the way we talk to students, the expectations we set, and the support systems we build around them.” 

Dr. Jordan echoes this sentiment, defining resilience as “the ability to bounce back from a setback, thrive in your current setting, and pivot when necessary.” Helping students reframe challenges as growth opportunities is key to developing this capacity. 

Normalize Setbacks and Encourage Reflection 

One of the best ways to support students is to help them see setbacks—such as a denial or deferral—not as personal failures, but as part of the journey. Dr. Jordan recommends leaning on data and application trends to contextualize denials and “unpack the disappointment.” Dr. May also suggests using reframing language regularly so it becomes part of a student’s internal dialogue, including phrases like these: 

• “Sometimes we’re being rerouted, not rejected.”
• “You can be disappointed and still trust that something good is unfolding.”
• “What part of the process made you proud, even if the result wasn’t what you hoped for?” 

These small shifts can have a big impact on how students interpret their experiences and build self-awareness. 

Create Space for Connection, Not Just Tasks 

Counselors are often pressed for time, and meetings can become checklist-oriented. But both experts emphasize the importance of pausing to connect with students on a human level first. 

“We often approach students with our agenda—Have you submitted? What’s next?” said Dr. May. “But sometimes, they’re just trying to catch their breath.” 

Start with check-in questions that open the door for reflection and honesty, such as: 

• “What surprised you this week?”
• “What’s been the hardest part of this process for you?”
• “How are you sleeping?” or “How are you feeling today?” 

These moments of connection build trust—and may be the opening a student needs to ask for help. 

Make Time Management an Emotional Wellness Tool 

Time management is usually taught as a productivity skill, but Dr. May encourages reframing it as a tool for well-being. Teaching students to plan ahead isn’t just about getting things done—it’s about reducing anxiety. 

“When I wake up early and handle a few things on my own terms, I enter my day calmer,” she shared. “We can teach students to manage their time in a way that leaves space to breathe.” 

Encourage students to schedule breaks, prioritize sleep, and make time for enjoyable activities—even during college season. 

Watch for Silent Signals of Struggle 

Not every student who’s overwhelmed will say so. Dr. Jordan recommends monitoring academic and attendance data, along with feedback from teachers to identify students who might be struggling silently. Dr. May adds that students who act out, disengage, or isolate themselves often have deeper emotional needs that are going unnoticed. 

“Don’t focus only on the behavior—ask what’s hurting,” she advised. “Many students are wearing a mask. We need to look beyond the surface.” 

Make it easier for students to “raise their hand” anonymously or outside of traditional appointment systems—this could be through apps, check-in forms, or partnerships with trusted teachers. 

Shift School Culture to Prioritize Well-Being 

Both counselors pointed to school culture as a powerful influence on student mental health. In environments that prioritize Ivy League admissions or perfection, students who don’t fit that mold may feel inadequate or invisible. 

“We’re building resumes instead of resilience,” said Dr. May. “There’s a push to excel but no time to reflect.” 

Counselors can help shift this culture by celebrating a wider variety of student pathways, explicitly recognizing effort over outcome, and incorporating mental health and social-emotional learning into their programming.  

Dr. Jordan’s approach includes hosting group workshops like “JumpStart the College Application” for students and “Parent University” sessions to help families understand the process. 

The college planning process will always come with challenges—but it also presents an opportunity to equip students with lifelong tools for resilience. As a counselor, your empathy, encouragement, and strategic support can help students not only survive this season but also emerge stronger and more self-aware. 

As Dr. May reminds us: “Reality checks and rude awakenings are part of life. But when students learn to bounce back, they don’t just build better applications—they build better futures.” 

Click below to download an infographic of our 7 resiliency-building strategies.